one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
