drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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