So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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