at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
