Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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