Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
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