Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
