just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
