Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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