I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
