fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
