she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
