Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
