video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
