I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
