i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
