My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
