I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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