i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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