I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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