dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
