At least make sure they are 18
Why
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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