We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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