She is in my trunk
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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