now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
