I'm sorry my penis didn't work
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
