strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
