dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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