I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
