Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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