I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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