Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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