I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I fill condoms, not promises.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
