so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
