So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Randomize
