I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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