I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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