Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
