the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
