oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
