have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
