I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
