One girl and one boy is just not enough.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Randomize
