I will die if light touches me.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I just blew my weed a kiss
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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