I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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