just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
