He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
