Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
