So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
