no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
